drink lots . . . oh god save us all. . .

we rocked out

derek stood around

looking suave

and eventually got some action

possibly more than he bargained for

so very confusing eh?

but hell

its important to rock

and rock

and drink lots

so be nice

be friendly

be very friendly

and say no to boobs.

rock.

on blinding and being blind

tomorrow im playing in the Urban Golf Fest
up in lincoln sq.
back alley golf
featuring Visually Violent costumes
hooray for mismatched plaid!

(there was a guy in my high school
back during the height of the grunge era
who wore the most blinding combinations of plaids
everyone wondered how he did it
a few attemted to immitate
to less blinding results
we finally discovered
he was color blind)

slip slidin

ive lost my footing again
time has slid somehow
sped without my notice
my apartment is too warm
walking outside
i brace myself for the cold
for no reason at all
i look at my arms
skin exposed to the sun
this feeling of wearing a jacket
but seeing that ive walked out without one
this year has been so hectic
to complete it its rush and craze
i only now am stopping to look back
and can barely discern one month from the next
winter is far gone
with the trees thick with leaves
my feet warm finally
no fear of frost biting toes away

i feel like im walking around
the world held out at a distance
this divide between my eyes and hands
that keeps it all observed never happening
my fingertips tripping in the breeze as time passes
as though held out the window of a car on a highway
im safe in here

i have until august
to decide
where im going with all this
to decide
whats worth my time
i have to cut back
cut off
cleave from
so many desires and obligations
that my days are spent running
never seeing beyond the next crack in the pavement
i hope i go the right way
or if i make a mistake
that i dont get mired in regret
instead just fix it then and there
and keep on

from nothing to all

its late
and im tired
but its time for a little history lesson
my continuing mild obsession with architecture
from classic stone buttresses
to the iron work of the chicago el
glimpses caught on the stairs
of bolts defining the edges of ibeams
the stutter of the railroad ties
sun/dark/sun/dark/
windows and brick and the unending lines of streetlights

in paris and spain
the variety is greater
with ages delineated by material
stone meeting concrete meeting steel
the wood used up long before
forests felled to wall in forts
later shored up
hidden
by walls of rock rising out of the fields
like hands reached out and down every widening
what they swept together
and mounded up
sifting out the weak and loose
to keep the immutable


chateau de chambord
a gormenghast of reality
piled upon itself one wing atop another
crawling in and over eachother
turrents and spires spawning walkways
the main staircase a double helix


the tower of chartres cathedral
you walk inside and are blind in the darkness
until you pass though a mote of light from the windows
stained glass tinting your eyesight
the towers are mismatched
uneven and unbalancing to look at
but once accepted
beautiful in their disagreement
creatures riddle the walls
interrupting the clean lines



gaudi cathedral
a mess of ideas wonderful in their confusion
the old disintegrating before the completion of the final walls
creatures clambering and appearing through windows
wheresoever the eye might rest
there is life stopped in stone

the ocean meets the land
with mixed results


war meets mercy
and cruel beasts devour the devout

if anyone can tell me what this beast is
i would be grateful
until then it is merely nightmare

catch up

so its been a long weekend
another one spent out and about
though for a good cause mostly
trying to seperate the days
its a bit of a blur
when ive been up to too much
and given up my routines
those essential little moments
that so define my days
and break them up
into measurable portions



friday was the zoo
was at first perhaps going to be a long ride
off to the botanic gardens
a 50mile ride
im not quite ready for yet
nor is the weather something i so completely trust
so the zoo instead
wandering about
playing with bear skulls
then sketching giraffes
and other freaky beasties



that night to come full circle
did a mini gallery crawl
im trying to think of the right words
to describe and catagorize this kind of art
the kind they sell at posh high end galleries
that everyone stands around and smiles knowingly about
its crap
art made to make money
made to take the cash out of the pockets of the uncertain
they know they should have some art
they know it probably will cost them
so the go by the price tag
rather than what they actually like
and wind up with crap
theyve been told so long that one has to
learn good taste
so they listen to others instead of their own minds
and wind up with terrible choices by way of taste
as the result



on the other hand
i saw two more art school gallery shows
and rather than being dissapointed
it heartened me
to see investigations
rather than art to make a living
or pad a wallet
certainly some were made for the grade
made for the diploma
but most were more real
more heartfelt
freed from the need to pay the rent
art school art at least has a genuine feel
of being totally about itself
no matter if others 'get it'
its all about being obtuse
isolationist
deep
and that at least in comparison to the production art
was a relief



on the same line
was in a mini movie
yesterday and today
id never really seen myself on screen like that
im not sure i like it
not sure im ready to see myself that clearly
ive never felt photogenic
and to see my movements documented
my manerisms smiles grimmaces
was slightly depressing
a sudden shock
to my impression of myself



to be in the company of those
who have practiced their acts
who know how they translate visually
who can imagine their actions writ large
and dont flinch from it
i felt small
suddenly uncertain



ive never wanted to be alone on the stage
as a part of a whole
a mob
i am happy to be viewed
even as a silent foil to someone else
i am mostly ok
but music and theatre
they are just not me
though i am tempted now suddenly
to learn
take a class
get up on the techniques...
or not