in the dark my mind wanders

i cant sleep
my mind is on
all the time
plots and plans
run into eachother
derailed

ive got too much on my plate
not that im unhappy for it
just
i know i cant keep up like this
for long

i try to get home
to go to sleep
but even with the pills
my doctor gave me
the thoughts dont stop

ive always been more
of a night owl
waking bruised in mind and body
to the next day
now
dragging myself from dreams
proves harder and harder

i can see the end of all this
just one more week left
before i have hours on my hands
time to take care
of all those projects left undone
time to reorient
reorganize

i need to find the floor in my studio
yes, a heavy metaphor that one is
i need somewhere to stand
before i can think of creating anything
no idea
where my paints are
somewhere in a corner
canvas sits rolled and ready

i know its all waiting for me

today i realized there is no guilt in all of this

my parents
they met in the unemployment line
somehow my mother was smiling
despite being out of work
else my father would never have said hello

so it cant be so bad
can it
to be there
without a job
il be there
with hope