outta the flop house for the night

ive been spending a lot of time
over in Palmer Park
things happen there
art parties and plans
this weekend was all sports and music
with friday at subT manning the merch table for Canasta
for old times sake
seeing Devotchka from afar
after running off to Cobra Lounge
for Joey London's birthday
and Joe, you'd better use those patches for something
il sew them on myself
if thats what it takes
a crazy late night it became
as it always ends up

the next morning
we protested the protesters at Gay Games closing ceremonies
(the photos are pending,
we didnt take them, you did)
then on back for more music
Devotchka again
this time
front row, dancing in the crowd
smiling madly im sure
thats how their music must be listened to
moving along with it
to some tiny bar after that
seeing a friend from school i havent seen in an age it seems

it was the next day that the sporting ensued
first having my pride wrapped up and handed to me
playing tennis with a near pro
i suppose i should just see it as a lesson
but my how it galls me
for all i only took lessons for 3 months
when i was 8
yeah
a while ago
then frisbee in the lake, with Baywatch style catches
all splash and glory
on to a pick up soccer game in the park
did i mention we biked everywhere?
im not sure i had legs in the end

the sporting continued yesterday and today
field hockey - i played back in 6th grade for one season -
and today more soccer, this time i somehow was the star
scored three goals
more than i scored in my whole high school career...

. . . . .

so im keeping busy
you see
not just sitting here
not just drinking my sorrows away
at some bar
in the dark
with strangers at my sides
but still
this limbo im trapped in
waiting for someone to answer
hoping that somehow il qualify
for some kind of job, something to put my energy into
something where il have some task to complete
and money in my pocket again
to know my worth by

i know i know
stop beating myself up
this is the worst of it
trying to get a start in a field
that i have no background in
no reason for them to trust my ambition
and believe it will lead to a product they can walk with
i keep thinking if i can just get face to face with them
if i can just manage to get in the door

batman, if you're out there
i got in the door
but still i got nothing
i cant possibly ask for less
and you wont get more
from anyone
so whats going on?
whats the next test i have to pass?
i cant see further into that black soul of yours
to divine what you expect...

its good though
to wake up in the morning
with this new ache in my legs
i went for a run monday
and il do it again tomorrow
if im not working
i might as well do something with myself
some kind of improvement
i keep thinking
i could get back to where i was
ten years ago
it wouldnt take much really
a month or two
to just shave off the excess
but could i keep it up?
would i want to?
i hate running with such a passion
but maybe its worth it
to cut back on my nights out
and take a bit better care...

its not like there's anyone i owe my time to