the last hurrah, going out with a gasp

even as i promise not to write any more depressing ass shit
the rain gets a bit heavier and another round of thunder rolls over
summer is done
i dont care what the official date is
this rain is cold
not the rain we had back in july
when youd be sweating so hard
it was hard to tell
which way the water was soaking
in or out of your clothes
the asphalt has lost that smell
that rises up as you ride over it
tendrils of steam laced with rubber and exhaust
smells of summer cleansed and suspended in rain
i cant smell the dirt anymore
now its just another season
of looking forward to that first rain of springtime

its going to be a rough fall
ive left no time on the edges of my life
for distraction
there isnt time for it
i have a plan and i plan to stick to it
sadly there really isnt room for anyone else
my weekends are seemingly empty
until i remember that school is not just an in class event
some time
il have to get to my readings

i sat and looked through pics online for a while tonight
remembering what id let slide from my mind
parties that as they layered over and over
became a near impenetrable palimpsest of events
personalities comments and coincidences
laid over eachother
until each individual moment was near lost in the confusion
some points though
like they show you with light waves in science class
are amplified where they overlap
others cancelled out
momentary friends and sadnesses deleted
their counterpoint of equal and opposite joy
dissapearing as well

my nose suddenly aches.
the bones maybe are healing finally
each time i rub my eyes
im reminded
by a click inside of overlapping bones
to be careful
to fucking grow up and mind my body
that i shouldnt let mania build to violence

its still raining
and im thinking of the ride to work
i should say internship
i feel like im lying when i say work
but whatever
its downtown
its a long ride
to make in the rain
il be sure to be drenched if its raining
the dreaded swamp ass strikes again
but i realize
il be here for another year i guess
theres no point in moving in january
with my lease up in april
a short few months further to wait
maybe my feet wont go numb this year
if im careful
if i keep exercising
who am i kidding?
this happened when i was in high school skiing
like its going to be better now?

il just be scarce
the ride too far for me to get myself into trouble
too often
god thinking back on the nights ive just crashed out
couch surfing through each weekend
oh wait, for instance
this weekend
well
like i said before
the summer is over now